Post by westgold on Jul 5, 2011 13:09:21 GMT 9
Positive happy parents, is it even possible? That is the thought in my mind this week. Can you be a parent and happy? I ask the question because if you look around you, how many parents can you see that really look like the happy families we see in magazines? The reality appears more like a washed-out, exhausted looking mom throwing not-so-happy looks at her children. This got me thinking, why is that? How and why are we blocking being happy with our children? What gets in the way of happy parenting?
Here is what I came up with:
1. Worrying
Most parents make up some very elaborate story about what something means...for example I have worked with parents who believe that their child's messy room means that are going to be unsuccessful, or their inability to organize themselves means they are going to fall into the pits of despair. Even parents who believe that an off-the-cuff comment from their child could mean that they are going to become a drug addict. We judge what our children say so much and make up all kinds of other meanings for what is going on. We cannot, however, judge our children on how we may have behaved, or how someone else we knew behaved, or even what we believe is the hidden meaning and significance of what is happening. Sometimes things just are! So when you find yourself worrying, here is a simple thing you can do.
Get a piece of paper and split it into half. On one side write the facts of the situation, e.g. Johnny shouted at me this morning. Then write down your feelings on the other side. What you will realize is that most of what is happening you are making up! Then deal with the facts first, as they will make you feel more in control.
Then look at all the feelings and ask yourself, what story are you making up? What significance are you putting on that event? Is that really true? Knowing what you know about your child, would that really happen? What would you do if that happened? Could you and they handle it? Look at the story objectively.
Try and see things from your child's point of view. What might be the reason they did what they did, other than the fact they are on a road to nowhere . . . what if it was just something that happened with no significance to it at all? Think of some of the things you say and do -- do they mean you are going to end up in prison? Be realistic about the situation in front of you.
2. Trying to change your children
Most parents are unhappy because they spend their entire time trying to get their children to do something they want them to do and then, of course when it does not happen, they feel dreadfully disappointed. The only person you have ultimate control over is yourself and if you try to change someone else to make you happy, then this results in unhappiness. Instead of asking how I can get my child to do what I want them to do, ask how can I change my reaction to this? When you know you are in ultimate control of yourself and your reactions, then you are more able to be free and consequently happy.
Make a list now of the top three things in your home that are causing you problems. Be honest and ask yourself if they are caused by you trying to get your child to do something your way. What would happen if you could let go and give them more responsibility?
www.hybridmom.com/articles/live/parenting/happy-parents-yeah-whatever
Here is what I came up with:
1. Worrying
Most parents make up some very elaborate story about what something means...for example I have worked with parents who believe that their child's messy room means that are going to be unsuccessful, or their inability to organize themselves means they are going to fall into the pits of despair. Even parents who believe that an off-the-cuff comment from their child could mean that they are going to become a drug addict. We judge what our children say so much and make up all kinds of other meanings for what is going on. We cannot, however, judge our children on how we may have behaved, or how someone else we knew behaved, or even what we believe is the hidden meaning and significance of what is happening. Sometimes things just are! So when you find yourself worrying, here is a simple thing you can do.
Get a piece of paper and split it into half. On one side write the facts of the situation, e.g. Johnny shouted at me this morning. Then write down your feelings on the other side. What you will realize is that most of what is happening you are making up! Then deal with the facts first, as they will make you feel more in control.
Then look at all the feelings and ask yourself, what story are you making up? What significance are you putting on that event? Is that really true? Knowing what you know about your child, would that really happen? What would you do if that happened? Could you and they handle it? Look at the story objectively.
Try and see things from your child's point of view. What might be the reason they did what they did, other than the fact they are on a road to nowhere . . . what if it was just something that happened with no significance to it at all? Think of some of the things you say and do -- do they mean you are going to end up in prison? Be realistic about the situation in front of you.
2. Trying to change your children
Most parents are unhappy because they spend their entire time trying to get their children to do something they want them to do and then, of course when it does not happen, they feel dreadfully disappointed. The only person you have ultimate control over is yourself and if you try to change someone else to make you happy, then this results in unhappiness. Instead of asking how I can get my child to do what I want them to do, ask how can I change my reaction to this? When you know you are in ultimate control of yourself and your reactions, then you are more able to be free and consequently happy.
Make a list now of the top three things in your home that are causing you problems. Be honest and ask yourself if they are caused by you trying to get your child to do something your way. What would happen if you could let go and give them more responsibility?
www.hybridmom.com/articles/live/parenting/happy-parents-yeah-whatever